


between light and nowhere

by flan (bitehard)



Series: twin suns [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dom/sub, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Order 66 (Star Wars), Rope Bondage, Sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism, Strap-Ons, Topping from the Bottom, Under-negotiated Kink, brief mention to alien biology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:46:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29437737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitehard/pseuds/flan
Summary: He knows that if they get to the bed before they fight, Maul won’t try to kill him.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Maul
Series: twin suns [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2136042
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	between light and nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> title from **hope there's someone** from anthony and the johnson's, and written while listening almost on a loop to **bad religion** by frank ocean
> 
> all happy songs! yeah! (cries in a corner)
> 
> thanks once again to **earwen_neruda** who is able to make me look forward to the comments of her betaing.

_so sick to death of this / safe to say never wanted you more / and you asked for one more go  
_ _the twilight sad - alphabet_

Obi-Wan doesn’t usually sleep when he sees Maul, but this time he has been in trance enough time to have that waking up sensation when he leaves it. He doesn’t trust him, because this _thing_ they have, whatever it is, is unstable at its best, and downright stupid at its worst. It’s been some time, and Obi-Wan is spacing the encounters; he knows each one is dragging him to the inevitable conclusion that he has to disappear.

He is aware that he lies he feeds himself are probably the same as Maul’s, but he knows that the former sith doesn’t have the same responsibility to keep himself alive, and that makes him even more dangerous, especially for Obi-Wan.

It’s a risk he shouldn’t be taking.

However, he knows that if they get to the bed before they fight, Maul won’t try to kill him. Not yet.

Maul is always calmer after they fuck. Before, and everytime he has encountered him all over the damned galaxy, he’s always overthinking, overmoving, overplanning. It would be something that Obi-Wan could admire if ninety percent of that perseverance weren’t about killing him. That resilience, the resistance to die, is a feeling that Obi-Wan can mirror, too, in a way. They are, they should be, on opposite sides of the Force; but Maul doesn’t have a side anymore, and Obi-Wan is so alone that it doesn’t matter.

He knew he would survive the Siege of Mandalore. He told Ahsoka, and he knows what she did after, because Maul tends to overshare about his wins, too. It’s not something he wants but the Force tells him that they are both too intertwined, now, even their energies vibrate at the same speed. They can feel each other in crowds, planets away, if Obi-Wan doesn’t put up his own defenses.

He never lets his shields down in Tatooine, but out here… is another story.

The room is functional and clean, but old. The floor creaks when he stands from the bed and Maul moves a little, still asleep, probably not for long. They will steal some hours to the day, then they are going to have a fight, they will give each other some scratches to cover up the ones made by their teeth, and will not see each other for some time, until Obi-Wan gives in and allows Maul to find him.

This is going to be the last one, he thinks, after refreshing himself, looking at Maul’s body sprawled on top of the bed. He is going to disappear, and just stop his own need for this unnecessary risk. He is not telling the truth, but he does know that each time he thinks about it he’s getting close to actually meaning it. Luke is young, and he can’t be sensed, but Maul knows him too well and he is going to figure out where he lives, and he will see Luke, and then he will know the only way to make Obi-Wan fight again.

But, for the moment, there is this.

“You are going to erase them if you keep staring like that”. In the dim light of the room, Maul’s red skin is almost silvery. By now Obi-Wan knows almost everything about that skin, how it tastes, how it feels against his roughed-up fingers, how it shivers if he pushes the right buttons. He can feel the ink in his tongue when he goes over the marks, he can almost feel inside of him the Dark. He knows the exact points of pressure to make him moan and cry and _beg_ and, oh, Force, he likes him to beg. Maybe he could have stopped this, if he didn’t enjoy making him ask for it by speaking his name so much.

Outside this, he is always Kenobi.

“Did they hurt? When they were done.”

“Why, are you thinking about it?”

“Yeah, so I can go unnoticed through the galaxy.”

He sits beside him. Maul has now an arm over his eyes, tongue going over the patched lips.

“I don’t remember,” he says, and Obi-Wan is going to call him out on the lie when a wave of despair comes from him. “I don’t remember a lot from before. You know.” Maul points with the other fingers in the way of his legs.

 _Before me_ , Obi-Wan thinks. _Before I killed you_. Maul keeps talking, almost smiling.

“I went after the wrong ones. Leave the jedi and the padawan, I should have killed the small one.”

It takes Obi-Wan a minute to understand he is talking about Anakin. They don’t talk about this stuff for a reason and Obi-Wan would like to stop doing it now, thank you very much. Anakin is a burn, an open wound in his chest.

“He was just a boy.”

“Well he is not a boy now, is he.”

“You can’t, kark, Maul. You can’t blame him after everything Palpatine—”

“Fuck you, Kenobi. Do you think _you_ know what Darth Sidius did? Better than me? Stop riding your high horse and don’t flatter yourself: you don’t know a kriffing thing.”

There is enough venom in his words that Obi-Wan actually stops. Maul is right, of course, so Obi-Wan shuts up. He would like to ask, but for what. If Anakin’s relationship with Palpatine was bad, he can’t even imagine what it would have been like for Maul, who suffered it on his own, almost from the start.

He doesn’t want to fight, not yet, so he diverts the attention to something that has been bugging him for years. No better moment to ask about but the present.

“You knew. About Anakin.”, Obi-Wan says, before he can second-guess himself.

“What?”

“You told me once. We were… Force knows where, before you came back to Mandalore,” after Satine, he thinks, but _that_ is a name he cannot speak before Maul if he doesn’t want his own anger to overcome everything else they have.

“I didn’t know about him. I could not imagine that what I was feeling on you was him. I just knew that something bad was karking you up”.

“I didn’t want to believe you. I though you were fucking with me.”

Maul laughs, humourlessly. “I was.”

“That you were.”

“When I dreamt about… I didn’t understand how you could not sense it in him. I don’t understand it now. You were so _close_.”

There is a bitterness in his words that makes him do a double take. He is always weirdly jealous of all the relationships Obi-Wan has had. He puts his hand over the line between black and red in his stomach and caresses it with his fingers, above the line that goes to the metal, feels him relax under him.

“Sometimes you love so much that you just stop paying attention, especially if it’s about something so close to you. Sometimes love can be worse than any other feeling.”

He would make a remark about attachments but a reference to the Jedi as a whole is something he just doesn’t make in Maul’s presence.

He can feel Maul's eyes fixed on him while he keeps drawing patterns with his fingernails around his chest, his ribs, borders his nipples. He sighs, but doesn’t say anything.

“At least he told him the truth, in the end. My master, I mean. He told me there were only two, no more. He never told me that I wouldn’t be one of them.”

Usually, it’s Darth Sidious. Rarely, it’s Palpatine, only in a small voice, like he could hear him and come back to haunt him. Like the Emperor is going to bother going after him again.

Sometimes, he is his master again, like all these years were a second. Like he was still that: apprentice to one of the most powerful being on the universe, and a mix of pain and anger soars in Obi-Wan’s chest.

“He lied to Anakin too. It’s all he does. He lies, he manipulates, he ruins lives. No one deserves his attention. It always ends up badly.”

They fall into a weird silence. A fierce protectiveness fills Obi-Wan. He knows he is not going to kill the Sith Lord, because he is not and he will never be the Chosen One but he will do everything in his power to keep himself alive until Luke can do it. And he will be able to.

Because love can be dangerous, but hope is something that Obi-Wan has never been able to shake. It’s the feeling he will always treasure in his heart and inside his Force, what he always asks for when everything else seems to be dark.

“I don’t want your pity, Kenobi”.

“You don’t have it”, he half-lies. It’s not pity that he is feeling _now_. His cheek is soft, hairless, skin growing old but not as much as his.

“I can feel it, you know.”

“You’re wrong. You have a lot of things that you shouldn’t, but you don’t have my pity,” he adds, and Maul sits up just as he is going down, they kiss each other with something terribly close to affection.

Maul’s body almost trembles when Obi-Wan takes him from the nape of his neck and climbs with his fingers to encircle one of his horns. His tongue tastes Obi-Wan’s and he can feel him still sleep-warm, he almost regrets this conversation, he almost regrets everything that has happened between the two of them.

The past can’t be changed, though; he can only do the best he can for the future. Maul kisses him desperately, probably trying to chase away thoughts he shouldn’t have, just as Obi-Wan. He says “let me, Kenobi, _let me_ ”, trying to reach for his cock and Obi-Wan smiles into the kiss, “No”, he answers, and Maul curses. His hands are trembling against Obi-Wan’s arms because of the effort to stay put; but Obi-Wan knows and will give him what he needs, not what he thinks he wants.

“Don’t move, Maul”.

“I’m going to kill you,” he says, but he doesn’t move.

“Only after I’ve come, deal?” He straddles Maul and takes first one hand and then the other; too thin, he can take both his wrists without problem with his fingers. There is a rope tied to the headboard, and he moves Maul’s arms until he is able to knot them to it. When he is happy with it he looks down and Maul’s eyes are fixed on his cock. Obi-Wan is strong but _not that strong_ and he brings his hips forward and just goes inside his mouth, as far as he can go.

Maul can take it, he knows, so he fucks his mouth relentlessly and without pause, enjoys the vibration of Maul’s sounds that he can feel in his cock, Maul’s tongue moving even with his mouth full to lick at the vein on the underside knowing fully well what that does to Obi-Wan.

“Stop, stop, I want to. Force, Maul, I just never want to leave your mouth, but I want to— ” He looks at him, mouth open and eyes yellow and Obi-Wan can’t hold it, he says, “you’re just too fucking good, Maul, so good for me”, and Maul closes his eyes, moaning and frowning as if it were just this side of too much.

Maul can withstand almost anything as long as it entitles him to a bit of suffering, but breaks when Obi-Wan talks to him like that. It never stops marvelling Obi-Wan.

He takes his cock out, wet with spit and almost painfully hard, with great mental effort; everything within Obi-Wan protesting about not coming inside the warmth of that mouth.

He thrashes with his hand looking for the tube he knows is on the bed and, when he finds it, Maul is already moving his hips, up and down. He is still wearing the strap-on Obi-Wan has brought, forgotten after coming and falling asleep.

“You want this?”, he asks, showing the lube, and Maul glares at him, but Obi-Wan ignores it, squirts the contents of tube into his fingers, moves his hand back and starts preparing himself.

“Dammit, Kenobi, I want to touch you, just let me, _please_ ”. He makes a show of trying to release himself as if they both don’t know he could do it in a heartbeat if he really wanted. It’s all for show, but Obi-Wan is in that show, too, fucking himself with two fingers and watching and feeling Maul’s hunger in waves. He isn’t complaining.

“Let me hear it, I don’t know what you want if you don’t ask for it, Maul, tell me, what do you want?”

He pours more of the lube onto what he wishes were Maul’s real cock. It’s not a zabrak model, but it’s the closest type available. Obi-Wan spreads the liquid between the small bumps, licks his lips in anticipation. He stands on his knees and moves the tip near his ass. Maul can’t feel it but he can _feel it_ and cries out, thrashes and moves on the bed trying to fuck him.

Obi-Wan goes down, kisses him and tastes his need, his hunger. So much time since the first time he noticed it, that peak of lust behind the hate.

He whispers, “Come on, Maul, what do you want?”, punctuating each word with a tap of his fingers against his skin. The _Kenobi_ sounds strained against his lips. “That who you want? Do you want to fuck him?”

The cock’s tip is almost in, but Obi-Wan doesn’t let him move his hips. Maul frowns and blinks a couple of times, and Obi-Wan knows he’s there, finally.

“Obi-Wan”, he says, music to his ears, “let me fuck you, Obi-Wan, _please_ ”.

Adrenaline jolts inside of him when he hears him moan and he can feel his heart speeding up. He forgets that leaving Maul undone always leaves him like this, too.

“See? You just had to ask”. And he just lets himself sit down inch by inch, feeling everything and leaking precum just as he bottoms out. Eyes closed and mouth open and his hands over Maul’s chest, moving his thumb over his nipple, pinching it for a second just to feel Maul move under him. He slowly moves up and down a couple of times, watching Maul trembling under him, trying to stay still.

“Move, Maul”, and then “yes, that’s it” when he obeys and falls into the pace that’s set in a couple tries, the robotic legs giving the strength and leverage needed.

The rope is tense on Maul’s wrists and he feels desperate under Obi-Wan. He is going to release him, but not yet. He doesn’t want to think and specially doesn’t want _Maul_ to think about what they were discussing, about evil emperors or sad upbringings or even Anakin. He wants Maul to only think about this, about him, about their Forces mixing up and both of them feeling the same at the same time. About his fingers entering Maul’s mouth when he stops kissing him for a second. He can almost feel the desperation of his sucking and it’s like it goes straight to his cock. He moves a little and has to moan himself when Maul rolls his hips and hits bulls-eye. Once he’s found it, Obi-Wan is lost.

Not another word leaves Maul’s mouth. Eyes half closed, moaning desperately, tongue around his fingers, the pink peeking out from the redness of his lips. Obi-Wan wishes he were younger: there was a time he could come untouched. Not now, though, but he can get close, at least.

He dips his head and kisses Maul again, uses it to divert the attention as he sneaks his hand and releases the rope with a swift move. Relief comes but Maul waits, still kissing, licking his mouth and his jaw and Obi-Wan taps his wrists two times, _you can_ , he doesn’t say, and Maul’s hands are suddenly in his hair, moving frantically, fucking him, all his energy and attention fixed on Obi-Wan, trying to make him come. _For me_ , another thing he doesn’t say. He will have his own orgasm when Obi-Wan comes, because they feel what the other feels, and see what the other sees.

“Make me come,” he whispers, “make us come,” and a hand makes his way between their bodies until it reaches his cock and even before it starts to move he can feel it building up down inside of him, like a wave, they move against the other, foreheads touching, unable to find the coordination to kiss as he feels it overflowing his senses. He closes his eyes and grunts and comes so hard he sees stars behind his eyelids, both with a hand in each other's nape, breathing the same air, Maul feeding off his pleasure and coming too.

They stay like that for a minute, until the pressure inside him is just too much. He sits up and winces, raises to his knees, feeling the emptiness. There is come on Maul’s chest, and before Obi-Wan lies down at Maul’s side, he gets the abandoned towel and cleans him up. They stay like that for some time, waiting to start breathing normally.

When he looks at him, Maul has his eyes open, staring into the ceiling. His Force is unnervingly calm, for once, and Obi-Wan doesn’t know if it’s his influence or just that he is too spent.

He would like to tell Maul something that could help, but what could he possibly do to right a life of wrongs? And Maul doesn’t want his help, he _has_ tried.

Maul’s eyes move and fixate on his. This is around the time one of them would leave the bed and start saying something stupid to provoke the fight that usually works as farewell.

The sun rises through the window, but no one moves.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, I guess? 
> 
> I'm **youbitehard** at tumblr <3


End file.
